The Parenting Experiment

 

A few days ago I was reading the most recent edition of my BYU Alumni magazine and came across an article about a blog called Design Mom. I (of course!) immediately looked this blog up (designmom.com) and quickly became entranced by it.

One of the posts I read linked up to an article about French parenting styles (the woman who writes Design Mom is currently living in France), and it really got me thinking.

The article talked about a visit to a French daycare, where two-year-old children were pealing their own bananas and eating them with knives and forks. It went on to discuss many more examples that showed how French children are typically raised.

While the examples were mainly negative, showing how harsh, strict, detached, and cold French mothers can be, the article also talked about some positive results of this parenting style--the one that caught my eye being respectful, well-behaved children.

This article opened my eyes to the fact that there are many different ideals when it comes to parenting. Not everyone thinks, for example, that a positive parent-child relationship is more important than having children who are independent and well-behaved.

The woman (Pamela Druckerman) who wrote the article (titled "Why French Parents Are Superior"; it appeared in the Wall Street Journal--I have yet to learn how to link anything up to my blog) talked about spoiled American children who see themselves as the center of the universe, and it got me thinking a little about my kids.

 

As a parent, I find that I constantly have to decide how I will respond to my children's many needs and challenges. After making some of these decisions, I've wondered if I could have helped my children more if I'd done things differently.

When I think of the parent I want to be, I think about positive experiences I've had with my own mom and dad (and grandparents, too), as well as principles I've learned in books like Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice and Hold Onto Your Kids.

 

However, these ideals are focused on raising children who feel secure, and that doesn't always mean children who are well-behaved, at least in the short-term.

Anyway, the entire issue has led me to the conclusion that in many ways parenting is a kind of experiment. We try our best to sort out what matters most and to help our children be successful in these areas, but different parents--as well as parents in different places--would do it all in different ways.

So . . . on that note, here are a few of our most recent parenting experiments:

1. Alaina: Co-Sleeping Gone Wrong

Alaina has been sleeping in bed with me and Jason for quite some time. I used to start her off in her own bed but for the past couple of months I have just put her down in our bed and let her stay all night. Unfortunately, though, she has taken to sleeping ON MY HEAD . . . and I am not getting any sleep at all. So, we are going to try this.

 

2. Janae: A Preschool Alternative

As Jason and I evaluated Janae's preschool situation, we were concerned that our little four-year-old was lacking the challenge and stimulation that she needed to learn and grow. Add to this the separation anxiety she had every time I dropped her off and the extra driving I was doing back and forth between Ben's schools, and we decided it would be better for Janae to learn at home for the rest of the school year. So, we are learning letters, baking and crafting--as well as going to her usual dance class, story time, and--in a couple of weeks--Kindermusik. I think she will still be ready for kindergarten in the fall . . . let's hope so!

 

3. Ben: Catching Up on Academic Skills

I've written before about my concerns for Ben when it comes to academics. This is one of those areas where I wonder if I should have done things differently, since when Ben was young--and he had no interest in the alphabet or numbers, despite my enthusiasm--I didn't push him to learn in this way (we opted for lots of outdoor exploration and imaginative play, as well as lots of listening to stories).

 

Now, Ben is a sensitive, gentle, kind, and imaginative boy . . . who struggles with reading and writing. But--his teachers rave about his artistic ability, and now his creative writing, too. So . . . we are hoping all our current efforts to strengthen his academic skills are coming at the right time.

 

As for the results of these and other parenting experiments? All I can say is . . . stay tuned! :)