How Can We Say Goodbye?

Yesterday I was shopping at Costco with Jason and Eric when I got a call from my mom. In a shaky voice, she said, "Your dad has collapsed in the backyard. Could you call an ambulance?"

I called 911 right away, and Jason left Eric and me to hurry over to help. My parents live about 10 minutes from Costco, but the ambulance was already there when Jason arrived.

My mom's phone call hadn't come out of the blue. On Wednesday she had asked me to come and pick the blueberries in their yard because my dad wasn't feeling well. We had picked the blueberries the previous Friday and were more than happy to come and help--but my dad wasn't often sick, especially sick in bed.

My dad had been working on fixing a mo-ped in the carport the previous day (Tuesday) when we'd dropped by with some of our many homegrown cucumbers for Mom. Eric had gone to see Dad, and had told him he needed fresh air because the fumes from his work were pretty strong. It had been a hot, hot day, too--the fourth in a series of 30+-degree weather. So, we thought Dad had been suffering from heat stroke and toxic fumes. My mom had said he'd had some intense back spasms Tuesday night, but these had been soothed by a hot cloth and some Tylenol. 

Thursday I texted Mom to see how Dad was doing, and she said he was a little better but still not able to do much. On Friday I called, and Mom said Dad was still sick in bed. She said he'd tried to drive that day, but that hadn't gone well.

Saturday morning I was wondering if I should let my sisters know that something was going on with Dad. I asked Jason what he thought, and he called Mom to see how things were going. Mom told him Dad was out in the garden picking the blueberries, so this seemed like a good sign. We went about our day, and then I got Mom's call just after 11 a.m.

With Jason gone to help Dad, Eric and I were stuck at Costco, and I decided to text my sisters. I explained that Dad had been sick for a few days and that Mom had called saying he'd collapsed. These are my messages that followed:

The ambulance is on its way to their house. They got off the phone with me to call Mom. Pray for Dad--I'm so worried for him.

Dad is being loaded into the ambulance--they think it's something with his heart.

(My sisters asked if he'd been alone outside.) I think he was alone. We'd called Mom this morning to see how Dad was, and she'd said he was picking blueberries--she must have gone to check on him.

Jason and Mom are coming to pick us up, then Mom is planning to go to the hospital. I'm not sure what will happen. (We weren't sure who would be allowed in the hospital because of COVID-19.)

(My sisters asked how Dad had looked.) I don't know yet--Mom just called and said he'd collapsed and asked me to call an ambulance. I'll find out more soon.

(My sisters asked if he'd been conscious.) He was conscious. Mom heard a crash and went to check. His speech was slurred. They said something is blocking his heart.

The ambulance was there before Jason. I'm going to go with Mom to the hospital.

Sheri and Tina both said they'd come as soon as possible. Tina and her family had been in the Kootneys with Ted's family, so they would have to spend most of the day driving home.

I'm at the hospital now with Mom. A social worker is coming to talk to us. They have us in a family waiting room.

(My sisters asked if I was still with Mom.) Yes, I'm still with Mom. She's pretty worried.

The social worker said they're working on getting him stable. She's going to try to get another update. She said they mentioned a pacemaker.

They're still trying to find out what happened.

He didn't have any chest pain that Mom knows of. His blood pressure was very low from his diet.

Not stable yet.

Still not stable--lots of doctors and nurses working on him.

Sheri--if you come into Emergency, they can probably bring you to us. Family Room 2.

(Sheri said she was almost off the freeway.) Sheri--come in as soon as you can.

(My sisters asked what was going on.) Dad is going to die. They haven't been able to resuscitate him, and they're going to turn off the CPR machine. He has had a massive heart attack.

They have turned it off.

Mom and Sheri are with him now. I saw his face and had to leave right away.

-------------------

This all took place over about an hour and a half. We were in shock, disbelief, heartache and pain. 

My dad was only 75 years old, very active, health-conscious and full of life. When he left in the ambulance, he was talking, although with difficulty. Jason and my mom got to see him alive that one last time. When he got to the hospital, his blood pressure was too low to record. The doctor said they tried every possible way to save his life, but his heart was not responding. They said he'd suffered a massive heart attack--possibly Tuesday night--that had done irreparable damage: the top of his heart was no longer communicating with the bottom of his heart.

We are left with sadness and loss, as well as questions about how this could have happened. 

We are so blessed to have had Dad close by for so many years, just down the road where we could walk to his house (and he could come walking in through our backyard gate) for three years when our kids were little. 

He spent his life raising and caring for his family, sacrificing to give his daughters university educations and to ensure that we had every advantage he could possibly give us. 

In recent years, he has fixed and built things at our house, helped with our garden, taught our kids to play chess, painted portraits of all our kids, made us laugh, helped Jason change the oil on our van, taught us to make chocolate Christmas mice and Finnish "slippers," cried when Janae has played her violin, picked the kids up from school when I've been sick, given us everything from ripe bananas for baking to toys he thinks the kids will like, taught the kids how to shoot a bow, listened with enthusiasm to the kids singing or playing instruments, worried about us whenever we went away, come to Alaina's class Grandparents' Day and Eric's preschool graduation, always tried to get us to stay longer when we had to leave.... The list will go on and on as we realize all the ways we miss him. How can he be gone? He has just always been there.

We love him so much, and we will miss him every day.

Dad's 70th Birthday, 2015

Father's Day 2016

Panning for gold in a Chilliwack river

Planting some pumpkins in our backyard, 2018

Visiting the camp (now park) in White Rock where we used to live

In Dad's backyard

Halloween 2015

Scandinavian festival, 2018

Fish caught with Grandpa

Fishing at the Fraser River

Janae's violin concert, Christmas 2019

COVID mask visit, 2020

A picture of Dad I found in my letters from college

More Love for the Library

We went into the library on Tuesday for the first time since March. Actually, going to the library was one of the last things we did before everything closed down! As I mentioned in a previous post, we have been able to request books online and pick them up at a window for the past few weeks, but the library opened back up for visitors on August 4. Since we were leaving for our camping trip the next day, we didn't make it in, but we didn't wait too long once we got back.

Eric has a special bond with the children's librarian, "Mrs. Shirley." Before he started school, we never missed a Thursday morning story time, and when Mrs. Shirley would get to the last book, Eric would always say, "One more story!" After the first couple of times, Mrs. Shirley came prepared—and always read one extra story at the end at Eric's request.

Prior to this, when Eric was even younger, Mrs. Shirley used to pick him up and hold him on her knee when he wandered up to the front (interrupting story time) when we were there with Alaina. 

She has introduced our kids to several of their favorite stories, including Llama Llama Red Pajama and Owl Babies, and helped them develop a love for the library.

Mrs. Shirley has known all of our kids since they were really little—Alaina and Eric since they were born—and has always remembered their names, even many years after they've been too old for story time. She makes a point to talk with them and ask them about their activities every time they come into the library—and if we don't see her, another librarian will tell her that her little red-haired friend is there, and she'll come and find us :)

Anyway, we saw Mrs. Shirley at the library window a few weeks ago when we were picking up books we'd reserved. We hadn't seen her since the library closed, and it absolutely made Eric's day just to talk with her for a few minutes. As the conversation ended, Eric asked Mrs. Shirley if we could give her our phone number :) She told us that if we ever want to talk with her, we can send a message with her good friend Yvonne—our next door neighbor who also works at the library. 

The next day, Eric wrote Mrs. Shirley a note and gave it to Yvonne across the gate between our backyards. 

When we went into the library this week, we saw Mrs. Shirley, and she had a letter addressed to Mr. Eric (which is what she always calls him). She'd just given it to Yvonne but got it back so she could give it to Eric in person. She had made some colorful little fish out of rolled paper and stuck them on the card, probably remembering that Eric had a pet fish, and she wrote about how much she had enjoyed his letter. 

What a kind, thoughtful lady!

And we're pretty happy to be browsing and borrowing books again, too :)

Camping in Mount Robson Provincial Park

This was not a typical summer for planning a holiday! We'd originally decided to go see the Oregon Coast, but a few days after we'd booked a place to stay, the Canada/U.S. border closed and we thought we'd better cancel while we could still get a refund. 

Camping seemed like a good idea, but where to go? I looked up "best places to camp in B.C.," and one idea that stood out was Mount Robson. We'd passed through this area three years ago after leaving Jasper, Alberta, and had learned that Mount Robson was the highest peak in the Canadian Rockies. We were interested in going back--especially me, since I'd thought driving through the Rockies had been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

With so many others in B.C. also planning camping trips, we weren't sure what would be available, but at the beginning of June we were able to reserve a spot in the Robson Rivers campground for August 5-9. I started looking up camping tips and gathering supplies (also a little difficult, with the outdoors sections of most stores pretty bare!).

We drove the 7 hours to Mount Robson, stopping in Kamloops, and arrived at the beautiful provincial park.

The scenery did not disappoint, with Mount Robson itself towering over the area at over 12000 feet and several other similar-sized mountains in every direction we could see.

After stopping at the visitors center, we headed over to our campsite ... only to find someone else already set up there! The woman said she'd been told she could stay for "one or two nights," and had already stayed for one, hoping for a second. 

I looked at our van load of tired kids and overflowing supplies and wondered what to do. 

Soon, a camp supervisor came by and offered us a different site in the nearby Robson Meadows campground. We followed him there and had our choice of a few different spots--they looked pretty much the same as the one we'd originally booked ... but our site in Robson Rivers was close to the washrooms--and our new site wasn't. 

This might not seem like a big deal, but with our kids it meant Jason had to get up and trek down to the facilities two or three times a night. Somehow we survived :) 

We also got a free bundle of firewood for being willing to switch spots--although Jason had already packed four bundles from home.

Anyway, we set up our tent and started our campfire. Normally when we've camped there has been a fire ban, but this year we've had lots of rain and not much really hot weather. So, it was fun to have campfires every night--roasting hot dogs and marshmallows the first day.

Janae, Alaina and Eric had prepared a skit for us, and we had lots of laughs.

And we even had some songs with Janae on the ukulele.

The girls had brought their dolls to camp, too, finally getting to use their sleeping bags Grandma had made in a real outdoor setting.

The next morning, we started on a hike to Kinney Lake. Most people go to Mount Robson to hike the Berg Lake trail, which is a multi-day trek. Since some of us weren't quite ready for that, we had decided to try Kinney Lake, which was on the same trail but only a couple of hours in.

Parts of the trail were flooded, so we had to climb up on some rocks to get around the very high river in some spots, but it was a really nice walk.

Kinney Lake was beautiful!

But really cold! That didn't stop Janae, Alaina, or Eric from swimming ...

but Ben, Jason and I opted to stay out.

After Kinney Lake, we went on a much shorter hike to a waterfall called Overlander Falls.

That night Eric lost his second top front tooth! Now he's missing all four front teeth :)  Unfortunately, he lost or swallowed the tooth--we never found it.

The next day (Friday), we went to Jasper National Park. We had camped there three years earlier, but I really wanted to go back and drive through more of the Rockies again. 

It was raining in Mount Robson that day, but Jasper was beautiful and sunny. We'd hoped to go back to Miette Hot Springs--where we'd swam in the warm and cold pools surrounded by incredible mountain scenery--but it was closed due to Covid-19. But we did get to see several moose and deer, and also return to this incredible lake that is shallow all the way across. Janae and Alaina walked almost to the other side, the water only coming up to their knees!

Next we visited Maligne Lake

and Medicine Lake.

Pictures really don't capture the beauty--or the feeling of being surrounded by this type of scenery. Everywhere we looked could have been a painting or postcard!

Back at our campsite, it poured with rain most of the night and got down to only 3 degrees. We'd left 28-degree weather, so it seemed really cold! I wore two pairs of PJs and three jackets, but I was still shivering. 

The next morning was sunny, though, and we'd planned to visit some more Mount Robson sites. First we went to Rearguard Falls--which were incredible rapids.

Then we went to Jackman Flats--a desert area with beautiful sand and a forest where many of the trees had burned, becoming homes to new animals. The flats were covered in unique lichens that would keep deer alive during the winter.

We went back to the visitors center, where it was cold and windy. Jason and Ben shopped in the gift shop while the rest of us waited for lunch (we watched one man's lunch blow away in the strong wind that was blowing!). Jason and Ben came out of the store wearing thick "mountain men" jackets they had bought. So, finally someone was warm :)

Eric got something less practical but very cute: a stuffed bear that he named "Beary." 

We didn't see any real bears on our trip, but two campsites over from us had a bear visit. We heard people shouting and banging pots and pans to help redirect it away from the area. It was all pretty exciting!

After lunch we went to Valemount to visit a museum about how the area was settled. Eric calls it "the tiny museum." Everything in Valemount was so small--we saw the library and hospital, which were both smaller than our house. 

It was another rainy evening, so we played Crazy 8s in the tent for a while until the weather cleared and we had our last campfire.

Ben finally had a good sleep that night in his new jacket.

The next morning we packed up and drove home, sad to leave the mountains and fresh pine air behind, but looking forward to sleeping in our own beds.