What Kind of a Mother . . .

 
What kind of a mother loses her child's one special something from toddlerhood? Well, I seem to have done it--with both children! Janae has a book that she has loved since she was about 6 months old--it was actually Ben's, and he really liked it, too, but Janae was OBSESSED with it. (The picture here, taken by Ben, shows her holding it.) It's called My Tiny Book of Family and goes like this: "God picked a happy family and chose a special place for me. He chose a home where I could grow and learn the things I need to know--like how to work and sing and play, and how to love and how to pray." (Yes, Janae and I both have it memorized after countless readings--unfortunately the book is NOT in front of me). It was, in fact, this book--rather than any instruction on her parents' part (although we tried!) that taught Janae to fold her arms for prayer.

Anyway, Janae and I have been walking to pick Ben up after preschool (well, I walk, and she rides in the stroller), and the past few days she has wanted to take a toy with her. Last time she took a stuffed dog, which she cuddled and fell asleep with on the way home--so sweet! Today she wanted to bring her book. It was so cute to see her riding along in the stroller looking at her book.

When we got to the school, we parked the stroller outside, and I let Janae hold onto her book as we went in. She was looking at several other books and playing with some toys in the reception area, and when Ben's teacher opened the door for parents to go in and collect backpacks, etc., I piled all of the school's books together and put them in the toybox, along with Janae's Tiny Book of Family. We went in to get Ben's things, then I realized what I'd done with Janae's book, and I went back to get it. I threw it into the stroller, and we went to get Ben from the gated playground.

And that is the last memory I have of the experience. Did I give the book back to Janae when she got into the stroller? Did I actually drop it on the ground instead of into the stroller? Did Janae drop it on the way home? I have no idea. You'd think I would have heard it if it had fallen on the sidewalk, or that Janae would have reached to pick it up. We've searched the stroller and the house, and it is just gone.

What makes this even more sad is that almost the exact same thing happened to Benjamin's lion "Roar" when he was two. He carried that lion all around, held it during his first (and second and third) haircut, held it at the hospital and doctor during his asthma visits--then one day when we were going into a restaurant, I threw it into the car, and it was never seen again.

I guess the happy news is that it will probably be easier to replace the book than the lion--I'll be placing my order at deseretbook.com as soon as I finish writing this confessional; whereas we tried several other lions and none was ever acceptable to Ben. I just feel like such an irresponsible Mom when I let such important items get lost!